Never stop failing

Today a patron came up to me and handed me the armrest of chair #8. I said thank you. And walked over and re-taped it back on with our rainbow duct tape. This is how I started my day. I have been spending most of my tech time writing. Which has been really nice, but yesterday I caught up on the cataloging so I don’t feel guilty. Today is day 8 of work in a row, I’m glad I get tacos tonight and a day off tomorrow.

I had a late instruction last night at the University, after working a full day here at the public. I picked it up since the usual librarian couldn’t make it. I don’t know if it was the best idea because after working a full day at the reference desk I was not really at my best. Well I got thrown off for a couple of reasons. 1 the class wasn’t where it was supposed to be and I wasn’t familiar with where it got relocated to so I was a bit frazzled and 10 minutes late. 2. The instructor was super nice, but for some reason I just got so terribly nervous. I mean I’ve done this plenty of times now, but something about the situation and I felt like I couldn’t even get my words out. The room was really big, and the students were not really responsive. It was like being a stand-up comedian who was not getting any laughs. I only talked for about 25 minutes and nobody seemed into it. At. All. I pretty much dashed out of there and forgot my notepad, which the instructor kindly returned. But all in all I guess I was a bit mortified by the whole ordeal. A little like the nightmare where you realize you came to school and forgot to wear pants…

I called my friend kind of in a state after. I have a tendency to make a bigger deal out of things than they are sometimes. She talked me down, reminded me nobody really cares and they were all probably tired from work too and having to take a night class. That nobody thought I was stupid or struggling and even if they did it didn’t matter. I still couldn’t help feeling like a bit of a failure. This reminded me of a Michael Jordan quote I heard in a dharma talk:



Isn’t that refreshing? OK now I feel better. If Michael Jordan can suck sometimes than so can I.

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