Librarians gone wild

Summer is over. It came and went faster than any summer before it, and I have no idea why. Maybe it was the prep and stress for the job interviews that I endured that ended up ultimately going nowhere, the vacation to Oregon, or just the fact that the older you get the faster time slips by you. Whatever the cause, it’s a fact that the kids went back to school for the public last week, and at the U, move in day is tomorrow for the new freshmen.

I won’t get too nostalgic on you, even though fall IS my favorite season (if you can call them that here in So. Cal).  It’s a new beginning, leaves fall from trees and shed their skin, and all that poetic jazz. There are new students to teach, and new books to read. It’s all so furiously paced and you can see it in the stress on the parent’s faces of both the young ones and older ones alike.

Not much has been going on, just letting go of the summer feels and getting ready to do instruction for subjects that I have never taught before. History and Anthropology are the 2 so far to prep for this week at the U, and here at the public answering 1,236 calls about the stupid study rooms, or fishing out the oh so sought after “Battle of the Books” titles.

I had been struggling lately to think of a topic to come back and blog about, when I remembered a run in I had with a friend’s father the other day. I’ve known this friend and her father for over half my life, and I ran into him while having lunch one day with my bestie who also knows them well and she’s way friendlier than me so we stopped to say hello. It was the normal small talk pattern. How are you? Fine. What have you been doing? Working. You seeing anybody? No. After we got all that out of the way, he said something that I can’t remember exactly, but it went something like this:

You know, librarians are all supposed to be quiet and mild mannered, but from what I hear you are actually the loudest most wild of the bunch. Is that true?

I thought for a moment. Well, I am pretty loud. I love to talk, and I have been shushed by patrons before, multiple times. But wild? Am I wild? What kind of weird fetish-y style comment is that? What did he mean by wild??  Does this mean I am promiscuous and impulsive, that I stay up all night taking tequila shots, dance on tables, and don’t pay my electric bill? I don’t think he meant it in any harm by the comment, but it definitely made me think for moment. I ended up telling him, yeah, I think I found my people. As I walked away I wasn’t even sure what I meant by that.

What does “wild” mean, Webster’s has quite a few definitions that pertain to forest life, or playing cards, but the ones I will take into consideration here are:

b:  marked by turbulent agitation :  stormy a wild night

c:  going beyond normal or conventional bounds :  fantastic wild ideasalso :  sensational

d:  indicative of strong passion, desire, or emotion

(Webster’s, n.d.)

It made me think even further about this stereotype and where it came from. For those of you that don’t know, which is probably anybody NOT in the field that may read this, is that the American Library Association (ALA) has a bill of rights that most librarians use as pillars to the profession:

This Library Bill of rights from the ALA can be found here:

So where does the idea of the wild librarian stem from? Could it be found in the pillars of our profession? Is it the fact that we challenge censorship and believe in upholding the first amendment? Or is it because we believe in equal access to information and resources despite race, origin, sex, or socioeconomic status? Maybe it’s the promotion of free idea sharing, free resource sharing, and advancement of everybody in society as equals? Is that such a wild concept?

I can see how these ideals could be considered wild, but only in some sad skewed way to those who feel threatened by it. Access to information and resources coupled with literacy skills will always be important tools for the advancement of equality in society. We have come so far from the days when a large amount of the population was illiterate and only the wealthy had access to and control of books and other types of information. I am so thankful for that and the fact that this profession, and these ideals exist.

So, if that means I’m wild. Then yeah, I guess I am one of the wild ones.

 

Wild [Def. 3b-d]. (n.d.). Merriam-Webster Online. In Merriam-Webster. Retrieved August 22, 2017, from: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wild

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Ponzee and Pop-paap

Today my co-worker brought in a super cool XP-pen digital drawing tablet that he let me play with. I think he got it for like 20 bucks on amazon, or something to that effect. It takes a bit of getting used to, but after I got the hang of it, it became pretty darn fun. I’m not much of an artist really, but just playing around with it gave me something to do on this super slow Sunday.

Here’s our first creation. Ponzee and Pop-paap. As you can see Ponzee is a Panda, and Pop-paap is a kind and pretty Popsicle. It’s a collaboration piece, I did the panda, he did the pop.

Ponzee

Playing with this thing has re-inspired me to write a children’s book. So I did. A super rough 6 pager called The Black Hole in the Library. Here it is, my first crack at it.

1

2

3

4

5.

6

Well that’s pretty much it. I did ask him to bring it in next week, so maybe I can do another installment. A series perhaps of library mishaps. I suppose it could always end in them closing the library for safety reasons, I don’t know why I find that so entertaining.

A Day Without A Woman

I just recently found out two things. The first is that March is Women’s History month, which being a woman I suppose I should have already known. The second is that in two days, Wednesday March 8, is named International Woman’s Day. I found this out because we changed our display in the library at the U, and I was asked to make a lib guide with information to accompany the holiday. You can find it here;

http://laverne.libguides.com/womenshistorymonth

If you are not a student, you probably wouldn’t care about our library’s resources since you can’t access them, but take a peek though at the info about international women’s day on the first page, and pledge through the widget how you will be an advocate for women in this next year. I will actually tally the results at the end of the month, but believe it or not, as much as we here in the library world love libguides, the general public doesn’t care for the most part so I only have 4 respondents so far and I think they were all me testing it out… But, let me just keep cramming information and resources down your throat please  it’s one of my favorite things to do.

Since we are closed this Sunday, I will be “working” this Wednesday, but through the U we are allowed to skip out on our work duties for the day to participate in yoga, meditation sessions, free chair massages, and other pretty sweet things. How cool is that?

The whole campaign is called “A Day without a Woman” and it’s being sponsored by the Women’s March on Washington. There are a few things that they are trying to organize on this day, they are asking women to:

1) Take the day off of paid and unpaid labor, if you are able to.

2) Avoid shopping for one day (unless women owned or minority owned small business).

3) Wear red for solidarity.

Find out more about the campaign here: https://www.womensmarch.com/womensday/

Everybody I’ve been talking to about it has told me that International Women’s Day is a pretty big thing in other countries around the world, but I’ve never even heard of it. I’m happy I get to be a part of it. It just makes me think of all the women in my life that have made a difference. I’ve known some pretty amazing ones. So, even if you aren’t a woman, or can’t celebrate fully by taking the day off, maybe take some time to let your mom, sister, wife, girlfriend, favorite female librarian (wink) that you appreciate them.

Magical Objections

Many of our library staff here at the U have birthdays in March. This led us to a discussion last night about our natal or “birth” charts. I’ve tried (unsuccessfully) in the past to learn how to read a natal chart, but I figure that now might be a good time again to give it another try. I think I delved into it about 10 years ago, so it’s been a while. I think I remember bits and pieces of it maybe some major tidbits but not enough to actually piece together what it all means. Another one of my co-workers and I decided we would read up on it this week and share with one another what we’ve learned. I’ve used astrology throughout my life as a general tool, nothing to bet the farm on or anything, but I do keep abreast of where the planets are, and of eclipses, moon cycles, and things like that.

Reading a chart is NOT easy. There’s a lot going on there. I mean there’s houses, squares, trines, nodes, etc. I think a lot of people take astrology at super face value, like OH I’m a Libra, so I must be wishy-washy and bad at making decision. Well, it’s more than just a sun sign, to think that there are only 12 personality types in this world would just be downright strange. I think that the knowledge in one’s natal chart is actually found in the synthesis of the information of how everything interacts with one another. Each chart is an exact snapshot of planetary positions in the exact place and time you were born so each chart is different. I mean, unless you have people that were born in the same hospital as you at the same time. I don’t really know how this conveys for twins, or crazy multiple births like octuplets. I guess I never really thought about it before right this second, I’m sure this is an argument against the whole thing.

Either way, things like astrology, tarot, and other things of the “magical” realm to me just seem like tools. Tools for understanding your internal self and the world around you, and even more so how they relate to one another. They are beliefs that rely upon faith, much like religion, think of it as a prayer, a meditation or visualization tool.  Anyhow, my chart looks like this:

keren

Obtained from: http://alabe.com/freechart/

Not a whole lot going on in the bottom half, but I guess I’ll figure out what it all means later. Today it’s easy, you just plug and chug your name, date and time of birth, then place of birth into a free site and boom. It generates your chart. Most sites have a vague interpretation at the bottom, but a lot of these can be overgeneralized, and really I want to figure out how it all works, and what it all means so I’m going to dig deeper this week and try to find out this week, month, or however long it ends up taking.

I looked in our catalog here to see what we have.

img_0476-copy

Nothing in terms of natal chart reading, but I did find a SUPER cool old book from 1911 with tables of the houses for latitudes 22 to 60. I have NO idea what this means and no idea why we still have it. The tables seem complicated and confusing. How the heck did people do all the things they do without computers? I wonder this often. Time and dedication seem to be the only answers that really come to mind. What took an unskilled astrological individual about 30 seconds probably would have taken hours for a professional back in 1911. I also found a book about Lunar cycles, which included a graph that collected the number of ER and psychiatric hospital visits, as well as traffic accidents in Dade County Florida for a span of a couple years each. Both incidents seem to have dropped when the full moon came around. It’s a small sample, and really kind of an obscure thing to research but interesting none the less. The last book I picked out was called Objections to Astrology by Bart J. Bok and Lawrence E. Jerome. It’s split up into two long essays about why these two basically think that astrology is a crock of crap. I like to look at all sides of the story you know, refute my own beliefs from time to time.

Here’s an interesting snippet from Bok’s essay:

For some people astrology has become a religion. I urge them to examine their beliefs with care. At best, astrology can be looked upon as a self-centered approach to religious beliefs, for it deals primarily with daily affairs and with what is best for a particular person. Astrology, when practiced as completely as possible, takes away from each of us our right and duty to make our own personal decisions. The most complete religious approach is found in people who have “experienced” astrology, who deep inside themselves “know” astrology to be true, and who believe profoundly in the effects of cosmic rhythms and “vibrations”. I do not know how to convince these people that they are on the wrong track, and hence they will have to go their chosen ways (Bok, 1975, p. 30).

Here’s what Jerome had to say about it:

To bow to the magical “dictates of the stars” is to abandon free will and rationality. This is something the humanist cannot afford to do if he is truly concerned with the good of the human species, especially now amid the complexities of the twentieth century, when man needs all the rationality he can muster (Jerome, 1975, p. 62).

I would argue at top that if religion or astrology or whatever your belief system is helps you to become a better person individually then you are doing the world a great deal of good, not just being “self-centered”. Change starts on an individual level and the better you are the better you are to the people around you and then your kids, and their kids and so on and so on. Life is all about breaking personal cycles that effect you internally and therefore your offspring and future generations. Change starts first on an internal level and branches out towards all aspects of humanity around that person. They are so concrete too in saying that people are just plain wrong. It’s wrong, save them they are wrong and they need to be right. I’m not refuting science itself or scientific advances by any means, but couldn’t the world be part science and part faith or “magic” as it were? I think so, why do our rational minds always need to be the ones in control? I wouldn’t say astrology has ever dictated a decision I have made, or greatly altered the course of my life. It has helped me to reflect upon myself, and who I am within this construct of a universe. The fact that Venus squares Uranus in my chart tells me that I may tend to seek out unconventional relationships. Does that alter the course of my life, nope. Does it make me self-reflect about what I look for in partnerships and friendships, take a look at how I utilized my relationships in the past, how I view my relationships and their meaning today, and how hope for them to work out in the future, yeah a bit. To rely solely on our rationality and abandon our intuition would make this world a rather cold and boring place. I think, mind, body, spirit all have to work together, instead of try to stomp one another out. There’s much more to life than black and white, balance can be found in those grey areas.

 

Bok, J. & Jerome, L. (1975). Objections to Astrology. Buffalo, New York: Prometheus Books.

Cabins and Woods

I wrote this the other day, it kind of just fell out of me. I liked it though, and wasn’t sure what to do with it, so I put it here. I’m sure we’ve all had those moments when we realize things were never what we thought they would be. Not in a bad way, but sometimes you have to dig deeper in life and see below what’s happening on the surface of things. I consider this an acquired skill, an art. Some people may be born with an amazing sense of self-realization. I think I’ve had to struggle a bit harder for my own. I don’t know if this is poetry, it doesn’t feel like it.  I think prose but I’m not sure, I just got recently introduced to the subject of prose so I’m not entirely sure.

Cabin in the Woods

The devil, I’m sure, is nothing more than a bearded man with tattoos. He can build things, like a gigantic log cabin in the woods. He may take you there some day, ask you to stay. You agree. As you pass through the exterior of the porch you start to see that the cabin has no flooring, only dirt. The water coming from the tap is brown and murky. There is no furnace, just a stack of old crates and some matches. He smiles at you, shrugs:

“Welcome home baby.”

(Well, you think. Maybe this isn’t so bad, just a bit chilly, not really well lit…)

The longer you live there the more you realize that there is no cabin at all. Just you sitting out in the woods. But even further still there are no woods, not a tree in sight, no forest animals.

(This is where it really gets weird folks)

The devil is actually you,

The landscape is only your fear,

And nobody lives in the non-cabin in the non-woods.

Not

Even

You.

 

Cutting.. With lasers..

Today I learned how to use a laser cutter.

Well, kind of. Somebody showed me really fast and if you asked me to do it again, I may or may not be able to struggle through it on my own. BUT, I did get a really cool cut of a cat in a suit, and a 12X12 piece of plywood that can be my next project. I want to hang something above my computer. The problem with that is my computer is on the floor and I have no desk and no coherent office space. Maybe this can be something to work on during the break. I have to think on it.

We have been really pushing the use of our makerspace here, we now have 2 3D printers, a laser cutter, and some sort of sauntering iron and other gadgets I have yet to use. It almost looks like some sort of mad scientist’s laboratory.

123-copy

I’m just watching this machine cut a really detailed cat out of plywood using a laser and thinking, 15 years ago I was playing snake on my Nokia phone. Things advance so quickly, I can’t wait to see what the world is like when I’m 70 something, if I make it that long. Maybe even by then part of me will be robotic. Anyways, it’s fun. Making stuff is fun. Even if it sucks, and there is no use for it. Creating brings out the kid in everybody I think. We have student interns that come in now and make projects, which is awesome. We didn’t end up getting the grant we wrote for but whatever, it was a first attempt, there’s more where that came from. Our little creative space is growing, and these students never cease to amaze me with what they can do.

Consciousness and its Shadow

I’m watching Westworld and it’s totally hitting a nerve with me.

This class I’m taking has been forcing me to think about what makes humans, well human, and the main point he has brought to the table is our consciousness.

You are always conscious, you can never not be, your consciousness IS what makes you human.

Westworld explores this, with the use of robotics, and simulated intelligence. The revelries, the story lines, the characters waking up and making their artificial intelligence seem so human that the people working with them can’t even tell if they are becoming “real”. The general idea is that the game is some sort of maze, with levels and there are ways to unlock certain characters and plots by saying or acting in a certain way. Many people want to get to the middle of this maze, but they don’t know how. There may or may not be some dead creator somewhere at the middle. Then, you get the people that fall in love with the robots (or hosts). This is another story all together that could bring about a conversation all its own but is very important in determining what is considered human. Can we fall in love with robots? Probably.

It’s a trip, I’ve been thinking about it all day because I literally just caught up on the show last night. Inside of each characters scalp there is some sort of metal looking contraption that looks like a maze. Also throughout the show a symbol of a maze appears on different items that may make you think that things are important to the characters getting to the deepest level of the maze, which could, or could not, be argued as being consciousness itself. Ah. It’s a lot I know.

I came to work today and see this person that always talks to me that I try to avoid. So I duck into circulation and pretend that I am doing something important and look at the books that need to be re-shelved. One of the major players we talk about in class is Jung, and I see his book Man and His Symbols. It’s pretty thick, but I have not much to do today but wait for questions, so I grab it. The cover has a gold symbol of a maze (just like the show!). Now I have to thumb through it, at least.

Jung is a really interesting cat. He used to team up with Freud, but eventually his ideas became so drastically different be branched out and became his own thing. Jung was into subconscious symbolism, dreams, and something he calls the “realization of the shadow”.

“Whether the unconscious comes up at first in a helpful or negative form, after a time the need usually arises to re-adapt the conscious attitude in a better way to the unconscious factors- therefore to accept what seems to be “criticism” from the unconscious. Through dreams one becomes acquainted with aspects of one’s own personality that for various reasons one has preferred not to look at too closely” (Jung, 1964).

Does everybody believe in a subconscious? Maybe some people may not even think about it and just go about their lives knowing what they know and not bothering to dive a little deeper into all of it. Are dreams really just this mash up of thoughts, images and feelings that we encounter in our waking lives or is it so much more. Do you ever have this recurring dream or nightmare that goes away only to resurface when faced with a similar situation or lesson in life 10 years down the road? It’s as if we can’t run from our own minds, which could either be seen as a good or bad thing. I see it as good. MORE psychology books I know I know, but I think I’m just going to skim this one. Unfortunately, there’s not enough reading hours in the day. Sigh.

Jung, C.G. (1964). Man and His Symbols. Garden City, New York; Doubleday & Company.

About this week…

After an extremely emotional week here in America, a lot of us are left wondering what the hell is going to happen to us both individually and as a nation. We have people angry, and afraid and reacting really strongly to the decision that was made last week in the presidential election. I don’t watch the news. I rely solely on my social media to tell me what’s going on in the world today. This might seem strange, or ill informed, but it’s not like I’m listening to Uncle Bob’s personal opinion rants on Facebook and taking it as news. (I don’t even have one anyways.)

First thing I did is watch reactions to the election on Snapchat, seeing joy, elation, fear, disgust, and disbelief first hand in the faces of people on both sides of the fence. Young and old, from different parts of the states and from other countries, there is such a large reaction. It was painful to see, everybody is so invested and emotional about what has transpired with this election myself included. It’s nice to know that we are all out here feeling these things, no matter what it is it means we are alive. It almost feels tangible like this cloud of collective energy hanging above us all.

Luckily, I choose to only follow positivity on Instagram, so I’ve been seeing a lot of really hopeful posts and gaining insight and conversation that way. I’m so impressed with the level of love in the people on my feed these days. A traveling writer from LA named Jedidiah Jenkins posted some really great stuff about what is going on, including a TED talk by Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt, which helped a lot in terms of a bit of explanation as to how things became so divided among us. I know some people hate on TED talks, but I’m quite fond of them, this one is 20 minutes, but it’s worth a watch.

https://www.ted.com/talks/jonathan_haidt_can_a_divided_america_heal

While you are at it you should check him out too, his posts are interesting, well thought out and just downright inspiring. Here’s a link to his blog, his posts often make a difference in my mood and mindset in a positive way.

http://www.oregontopatagonia.tumblr.com/

Hopefully as time passes we can see some improvement on all levels, personal, national and world wide. I know we all have to believe that the good in this world will outweigh the bad. That we are still moving forwards and not backwards. We all hope. I hope.

This weekend Dave Chappelle came out of hiding and hosted Saturday Night Live. If he wasn’t already enough of a comedy legend, he killed it with his monologue and a few of the sketches. That man is a national treasure and he really had something great to say about what is going on. Of course, he says it with his unique brand of humor, and I think we all could use a bit of laughter right now.

SNL- Dave Chappelle

OH, and we also have to mourn the death Leonard Cohen this week on top of it all off. Its times like these I just kind of look at my cat and say please don’t die. It helps in times like these to “stand here and think about someone you love” one of the sayings of children’s author Dallas Clayton. It helps. Go ahead. Do it. Right now, just close your eyes and think about somebody you love even if they aren’t here on earth anymore, even if it’s somebody you’ve never met. For me today, it’s this dude. *swoon

img_3675

 

Non-Angelic America

Well it’s here. And I promise that I won’t get all political on you here. But I am nervous as hell. Trying not to be but I am if I have to be honest about it.

The public library shares space with a polling place at the playhouse next door, I thought that it was going to be crazy around here with voters, but not really, it’s been a pretty normal day here so far. One thing that I will speak positively about is the number of people that I know that are turning out to vote, and encouraging others to do the same. Pretty much all of my Instagram feed and Snapchat feeds are ripe with people proudly wearing their I Voted stickers and speaking their voices. That’s all we can do this time, rock on voters.

I really wish that this election would allow us to examine our process of electing leaders. At a time when our world is in need of good, honest, people to evolve us and move us forward not only as a nation but as a race of humans we get stuck choosing between what many people will call “the lesser of two evils”. Why the hell do we have to get cornered into choosing this way? Things change, people progress, ideas progress. We change things to expand in our world over time, why are we still living by this two party system for our Presidential elections? We literally get two choices for president. Every freaking time. That’s it? Two choices, two parties, two schools of thought? Choose that one that is the closest to OK? I don’t really know where I fit in politically, I just wish that our politics weren’t so ruled by personal interest, lies, and scandals. Nobody will ever please everybody, I get that and I understand that so many people see things differently and have the right to do so but come on. It’s a literal s*** storm out there today we have turned yet another serious matter into a freaking reality show. Nobody is happy about it, everybody is freaked out and tension is high. The whole world is watching us make a spectacle of ourselves (once again).

Maybe I’m being a little hysterical over here. I’m not “educated” enough to know what’s really going on, I don’t keep up with the news or claim to know all of the platforms either candidate stands for. The conspiracy theory part of my brain thinks that this is all fixed anyways, look at the hubbub we get to create this time. How much can we sell air time for the commercials on the most televised night probably in history while people bite their nails at home waiting for the votes to be tallied? Who knows what will happen in the next four years, and how much does one person sitting in a single chair in an office really make to individual citizens? For me the bigger message here for me is hate vs. love. Old ways and fear needing to fall away and make room for tolerance and acceptance among our citizens of our own nation, and the world. Can we please move forward with more of this in our hearts? I’m rooting for you America, and for everybody at home feeling like I do.

In honor of America on election night here’s one of my favorite poems ever by Ginsberg

America by Allen Ginsberg

 

Vampires that Vampire

Nothing out of the ordinary has happened these last couple weeks, I suppose that’s a good thing. Here at the U I have been surprisingly busy with reference questions, I think because the Master’s students finished up their term and the undergrads are starting to get their prompts for final papers, etc.  I mean what does a librarian blog about when she’s just answering questions steadily? Sometimes they appear to be the same old questions.

Finding specific articles from half of a citation. Stuff about business culture and internal structure is asked a lot, very common, but difficult to find unless published in corporate reports that give clues to the culture. Communications breeches with the military that led up to the Pearl Harbor attack. We had to replace the homecoming display wall yesterday, that killed about 4 hours. It was actually kind of fun.

I did have a great moment on Friday when I helped a doctoral student find EXACTLY what she was looking for. She was looking for a dissertation within the last 10 years that was a quantitative study and examined African American women as leaders that grew up in homes with an absentee father.  After milling around in our dissertation database, google scholar and some other creative commons for about 30 minutes we changed one little keyword and boom: “An examination of resiliency factors of successful African -American women from father absent homes” from 2008 came up and we literally both shrieked out loud. And guess what it WAS quantitative so it was perfect. I emailed it to her with the subject THIS IS THE ONE (in all caps because I felt like yelling it to the heavens). It almost felt like finding that perfect man, or car, or pair of jeans. Quite satisfying.  That doesn’t happen too often, sometimes it’s like finding a needle in a haystack that you aren’t really sure exists. Moral of the story here is keep on trying, change those keywords and keep on trying. Could this be metaphorical for life? Probably.

I guess that may be my only story for now. The holidays are coming up so that means a lot of slow time for libraries. Today I’m reading a bit of Fitzgerald’s poems, didn’t even know that he wrote them. I suppose anybody who writes takes a stab at poetry first or even last. A lot of his poems published when he was in college read like songs, or seem to have assigned characters to them I’m not really sure. Here’s one that he wrote in college I found especially interesting:

The Vampires Won’t Vampire For Me

Percy and Sal

Often I have seen on the screen,

Pictures living and snappy,

Girls quite a fistful, ingenues wistful,

Loving I look at that makes me unhappy;

Tell me why girls that I meet,

Always simple and slow?

I want a brunette like those I met,

Back in the seven-reel show.

 

Liking striking blondes as I do,

Hair that’s golden and rippling,

Why don’t I meet a few that aren’t sweet but

Act very much like the ladies in Kipling?

Dolls are very numerous now,

Many wonders I’ve seen;

But I’d like a wife early in life

Someone who learned on the screen.

 

Chorus

Theda Bara they say,

Drives depression away,

What Olga Petrova knows

Won’t go in the censored shows!

Why are ladies I meet

Never more than just sweet?

Girls seem to be Vampires,

But they won’t Vampire for me.

 

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

Fitzgerald, F.S. (1981). Poems 1911-1940. Bloomfield Hills, Michigan: Bruccoli Clark.

 

The title is what caught me at first. I get it though, the frustration of trying to find somebody that lives up to your ideals. Ideals that often come from screens, edgy femme fatales and the rugged male structure of perfection that is so often portrayed in the movies/television/social media. He ended up finding the ultimate femme fatale and muse in his beautiful, young, sought after wife Zelda. But as the story there unfolds (as with many others) Crazy and sexy is only fun until crazy turns out to be ACTUALLY crazy and sexy gives way to age and responsibilities and mental problems. The interesting thing to me here is that Vampires not only are charismatic, sexy, bloodsucking creatures that lurk in dark corners, but they also live forever. I wonder what he means by that with this poem, or if he means anything at all by it. Things to ponder on a Sunday afternoon…